Low self-esteem
What is a low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem means that most of the thoughts you have about yourself are negative. These negative thoughts are usually based on unpleasant past experiences. Have you ever given a presentation that didn’t go so well? Or heard someone make a mean comment about the way you acted? In our heads, we have a habit of deciding that these negative comments or events represent some fundamental truth about ourselves. But, fortunately, that’s not the case. When you develop a lot of negative beliefs about yourself due to unpleasant past experiences, then this will ultimately lead to a negative self-image and low self-esteem. But if you start to consciously replace these with positive thoughts, then your self-image will improve.
How to recognize low self-esteem?
You’ll notice the effects of your negative self-image in both social and professional environments. After all, self-confidence (or a lack of it) affects almost everything you do. If you have low self-esteem, you’ll be quick to decide that you’re doing things wrong or getting in the way of other people. You’ll find it hard to trust yourself and have trouble making decisions. Here are some possible consequences:
- Difficulty making (even small) decisions;
- Trouble establishing relationships;
- Being afraid to be the center of attention;
- Constantly comparing yourself to others;
- Being (very) sensitive to criticism;
- Trouble identifying your positive qualities;
- Downplaying your successes or attributing them to someone else.
Causes
Low self-esteem doesn’t appear overnight. It develops through experiences that trigger negative thoughts about your appearance, behavior, or personality. This often starts in childhood, but it can also develop later in life. It usually grows over time through repeated negative experiences. Some people are more vulnerable than others, especially if they tend to worry a lot, are anxious, or are very self-critical.
Factors that may contribute include:
- Negative experiences in (intimate) relationships
- A lack of safety, appreciation, or belonging in childhood
- Very critical or demanding parents or caregivers
- Receiving little validation or appreciation
- Constantly comparing yourself to others (for example via social media)
- Bullying or being excluded
Self care
You can work on a negative self-image by building self-confidence and replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. The more confidence you have, the less control the negative thoughts have over you. Here are some self care tips:
- Focus on your strengths. You definitely have them—even if they don’t feel obvious. Write down your positive qualities. If that’s hard, ask a close friend or family member what they appreciate about you.
- Keep a positive log. Use a notebook to write down (ideally daily) things that went well. Reflect on what this says about you and which strengths you showed.
- Write down negative thoughts. Notice and write down negative thoughts about yourself. Ask yourself: Is this thought helpful? Is it really true? Then try to replace it with a more realistic alternative.
- Don’t compare yourself with others. When we compare ourselves, we usually compare our worst moments to other people’s highlights. Try to step out of that habit—or at least compare more fairly.
- Talk to yourself with kindness. People with a negative self-image are often very harsh toward themselves. Try to soften that inner voice. Speak to yourself the way you would to a good friend.
- Say “yes” more often. Confidence grows through positive experiences. Try saying yes to small things that feel a bit uncomfortable. You don’t have to go big—every step counts.
Help
Low self-esteem is not a diagnosis by itself. However, it can be linked to mental health conditions such as anxiety disorders, depression, PTSD, or eating disorders. Treatment focused on your self-image is only reimbursed by health insurers if there is an official diagnosis.
Therapies that can help with persistent negative self-beliefs include:
FAQ
It often develops through experiences in childhood, school, or earlier relationships where you felt you weren’t good enough. These beliefs can stick, even if they no longer reflect who you are.
Many people function well on the outside but feel inadequate on the inside. This can show up as perfectionism, social withdrawal, or constant dissatisfaction with yourself.
Shame is very common—and it often keeps the problem going. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to explore these feelings at your own pace.
You’ll notice kinder thoughts about yourself, more confidence in social situations, and a better ability to handle mistakes or rejection.
